of marriage
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
I didn't say that of course; Jane Austen did, in Pride and Prejudice. And so it shall be then, that at this age of mine, it is natural to ponder about such things. Especially when looking at people around me.
So what happens when you fast approaching or, heaven forbid, past your sell-by date? Do you strike the panic button, declare a state of emergency and put yourself up for sale? Or do you lament about the lack of luck in love and just let things be?
Consider the following two situations*:
1. A woman is just past 30, and she's never had any luck in men. All of a sudden, one comes along showing an interest in her. They start going out - to the movies, for dinner, the stroll by the beach, etc. She even invites him along when meeting up with her friends. All would have been wonderful but for the fact that she's not really that much into him. Companionship for the sake of it, if you'd call it. As time goes by, they get more and more involved but her feelings for him (or lack of) remain unchanged. Then one day, the idea of marriage is brought up. So, should she, or shouldn't she?
2. A guy just turned 35. He's had this girl friend for several years. The problem is they're always quarrelling and fighting over the most trivial things, even when just talking over the phone. And he's always harsh in his words, showing little respect for her. The result is that this relationship becomes an unhappy affair most of the time, rather than a lovey-dovey one as it should be. Still, as both are not young anymore, they go ahead and apply for a flat, and marriage is in the plans once that is settled. Once again, this begs the question: should they, or shouldn't they?
In an ideal world, the answer to both these situations would be No. In real life, however, a lot of factors will come into consideration. Utmost could be the pressure to settle down, be it pressure from family, friends, society or oneself. Another would be child-bearing. That becomes a problem later on in life.
But if you think about it, other than these reasons, plus the fact that you'll have to tone down a little when making out lest you get a heart attack, there's really no compelling reason not to wait till your forties and fifties. If you prefer to stay single, that is, because I believe most people would like to settle down before the wrinkles start coming out.
On the other side of the coin, some might argue that no relationship is perfect, so it's also alright for those I mentioned in those two situations above to go ahead and wed. After all, feelings can develop over time and differences can be smoothed out. In the past, marriages were often chosen and decided by parents, but that has not stopped some long lasting and fulfilling relationships from happening.
Well, we can debate till the cows come home on whether that is the right or wrong sort of thinking. At the end of it all, it's your life - you choose how to live it.
If only it were that simple.
I said all these because sometimes when I look at couples, married or otherwise, around me, I wonder why they are together. For some, the love is long gone but they're already so used to being together, so separation is unthinkable. For others, they may be bickering all the time, and generally in an unhappy relationship. And in certain cases, they just look downright incompatible. But then, I am just an outsider, so it's not for me to judge.
And having said all these, I still don't really know what I'm driving at, ergo the rather longish post. The world is full of complex issues and Oh has no solutions to offer. He can only sit back and watch, think aloud and learn. It's a good thing that I still have some time on my side. But I'd rather be putting the pressure on others than be subjected to it, if you know what I mean.
* As South Park likes to put it, all characters are fictional, even those based on real people, ha! No, I'm just kidding. It's all made up. Really.
I didn't say that of course; Jane Austen did, in Pride and Prejudice. And so it shall be then, that at this age of mine, it is natural to ponder about such things. Especially when looking at people around me.
So what happens when you fast approaching or, heaven forbid, past your sell-by date? Do you strike the panic button, declare a state of emergency and put yourself up for sale? Or do you lament about the lack of luck in love and just let things be?
Consider the following two situations*:
1. A woman is just past 30, and she's never had any luck in men. All of a sudden, one comes along showing an interest in her. They start going out - to the movies, for dinner, the stroll by the beach, etc. She even invites him along when meeting up with her friends. All would have been wonderful but for the fact that she's not really that much into him. Companionship for the sake of it, if you'd call it. As time goes by, they get more and more involved but her feelings for him (or lack of) remain unchanged. Then one day, the idea of marriage is brought up. So, should she, or shouldn't she?
2. A guy just turned 35. He's had this girl friend for several years. The problem is they're always quarrelling and fighting over the most trivial things, even when just talking over the phone. And he's always harsh in his words, showing little respect for her. The result is that this relationship becomes an unhappy affair most of the time, rather than a lovey-dovey one as it should be. Still, as both are not young anymore, they go ahead and apply for a flat, and marriage is in the plans once that is settled. Once again, this begs the question: should they, or shouldn't they?
In an ideal world, the answer to both these situations would be No. In real life, however, a lot of factors will come into consideration. Utmost could be the pressure to settle down, be it pressure from family, friends, society or oneself. Another would be child-bearing. That becomes a problem later on in life.
But if you think about it, other than these reasons, plus the fact that you'll have to tone down a little when making out lest you get a heart attack, there's really no compelling reason not to wait till your forties and fifties. If you prefer to stay single, that is, because I believe most people would like to settle down before the wrinkles start coming out.
On the other side of the coin, some might argue that no relationship is perfect, so it's also alright for those I mentioned in those two situations above to go ahead and wed. After all, feelings can develop over time and differences can be smoothed out. In the past, marriages were often chosen and decided by parents, but that has not stopped some long lasting and fulfilling relationships from happening.
Well, we can debate till the cows come home on whether that is the right or wrong sort of thinking. At the end of it all, it's your life - you choose how to live it.
If only it were that simple.
I said all these because sometimes when I look at couples, married or otherwise, around me, I wonder why they are together. For some, the love is long gone but they're already so used to being together, so separation is unthinkable. For others, they may be bickering all the time, and generally in an unhappy relationship. And in certain cases, they just look downright incompatible. But then, I am just an outsider, so it's not for me to judge.
And having said all these, I still don't really know what I'm driving at, ergo the rather longish post. The world is full of complex issues and Oh has no solutions to offer. He can only sit back and watch, think aloud and learn. It's a good thing that I still have some time on my side. But I'd rather be putting the pressure on others than be subjected to it, if you know what I mean.
* As South Park likes to put it, all characters are fictional, even those based on real people, ha! No, I'm just kidding. It's all made up. Really.
I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
’till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
’cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I’m getting older too
Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe the landslide will bring it down
-- Landslide, Fleetwood Mac/Dixie Chicks/Smashing Pumpkins
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
’till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
’cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I’m getting older too
Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe the landslide will bring it down
-- Landslide, Fleetwood Mac/Dixie Chicks/Smashing Pumpkins
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