oh tells the eight ways

Master Oh contemplates buses and trains

It's your lucky day, my little friends. Master Oh, that is moi, is back after a long absence to dish out heavenly advice for you.

And they come in a lovely bundle of eight, a most auspicious number. Some people call them Oh's Gems Of Wisdom, but most fondly refer to this gift from the Sage as Oh Tells The Eight Ways (胡说八道).

Today's topic focuses on public transport on our little island. Ah, it's such a dreaded little beast, non? Fret not, my little friends, for here are the eight gems to enhance your experience on our buses, taxis and trains:

1. When jostling with dozens other commuters to board the bus at a crowded bus stop, make sure you catch the bus driver's attention by flagging in a wild and exaggerated manner. This ensures that he stops the bus with the entrance right in front of you.
   


2. If you're taking a loop bus service, you might want to consider boarding at the opposite bus stop. If not, you might end up looking silly when it turns out that the bus that was opposite is the one you board after it comes back one big round. Sad to say, the Master has been a victim himself too many times. Why not enjoy the air conditioning instead of getting pissed at long waits due to inept drivers and poor scheduling?
   


3. During the morning peak hour, there's no need to run for the train when you've just entered the MRT station. The trains come fast and furious such that by the time you slowly stroll to the platform, another train would've just arrived. Besides, if you're really in such a rush, you should've started running for the train the moment you left your house.
   


4. It's okay to enter an MRT gantry with the moving flaps stuck open. If they're already jammed in the open position, they're not going to close on you when you walk through. Don't be silly, my dear.
   


5. When transferring to another train across the platform, there's no need to rush if it's obvious there are no more seats. The train doors will either close before the first person reaches it, or after the last has entered. Just make sure you're neither the first nor the last and you'll be fine.
   


6. When there's a long queue at the shopping centre taxi queue, you might want to try your luck along the main road outside. Taxis that pick destinations are not allowed in the taxi stand, so they tend to hang around outside. You might just get lucky with one that goes to your place.
   


7. When you're stuck in a really remote place with no taxis and few people, call for a taxi. Before it arrives, switch off your mobile phone. Very soon you can just flag down this taxi that can't find its intended passenger, and not pay any booking fee. They deserve it, after all.
   


8. Avoid the public transport altogether. It may be benign for your financial health, but it's extremely hazardous to your blood pressure and general state of mind. You might even develop a strong urge to kill someone!
   

As with all 胡说八道 advice, these eight gems might not work for you all the time. Don't be disheartened though, all you lowly folks - it's nothing personal. Not everyone can be a sage like Master Oh, ha!