kopi jargon

I was at a foodcourt one day queuing up to buy drinks when someone ahead of me ordered "kopi-si gosong gao".

That rather amused me. Sometimes I wonder how the kopi uncles and aunties are able to operate like clockwork and dish out your coffee in 5 seconds flat. Don't they have to pause for a moment to think about which concoction it is every time a customer mutters a mouthful like that? Or maybe they would be really nice to acknowledge your order but still make your coffee the same way as the hundred other cups they've done that day?

I mean, do these uncles and aunties at your neighbourhood kopitiam really give a freaking toss how precise you want your 90-cent gourmet coffee done?

If it were me doing your coffee on a busy day, you'll be lucky if I don't give you tea when you order coffee. In fact, I'll operate like a binary switch. There will be no such thing as siu dao. No such thing as more sugar, or less, or anything in between. It's either got sugar, or no sugar. OK?

Next time, maybe we should try something like "kopi-o gao siu dai, teh-si gosong peng, yuan yang". I bet that'll make the kopi auntie stop in her tracks.

Ha!