pushing new boundaries

Looking at the posters and banners being hung along the streets, I noticed, with great irony, that Ang Mo Kio Central does not belong to Ang Mo Kio GRC. It actually belongs to the newly carved out Yio Chu Kang single ward.

Now what's with that? We all know about Serangoon being part of the not-so-near Marine Parade GRC, but this must surely rank alongside that in terms of absurdity.

This is ridiculous! I demand an explanation from the Electoral Boundaries Review Committee! My area is just a stone's throw away from AMK Central. Can they explain why it is not part of the West Coast GRC?

dream come true

Finally, after all these years, the chance has come. My fear of becoming a thirty year old election virgin will no longer plague me after next Saturday. Can't wait to cast that vote, ha!

Alright, enough of that nonsense. I have to say kudos to the WP for daring to contest the PM's ward. Talk about 班门弄斧. While the papers are saying that the hot zones are in Aljunied and Sembawang GRCs, have they forgotten that among the contested wards Ang Mo Kio is the ward the PAP can't afford to lose the most? Can anyone imagine the unimaginable of it losing here resulting in Singapore having to select a new PM?

Suddenly I feel so important!

last becomes first

One thing that always irks me is to see people name themselves or their children with Western surnames. It has become quite common to see people going by the names of Johnson and Jackson (eg. Jackson Tai of DBS). But it's still silly if you ask me.

But those two cases are still alright because they're quite ambiguous. What's worse is when the family names of famous footballers are used. We've all heard of actor Keagan Kang, although I'm assuming that he's named after Kevin Keagan the footballer. Now there's someone called Lineker, which looks like a name gotten from Gary Lineker, another English footballer.

What's next? Beckham Oh? Or does Shevchenko Oh sound better?

media trash

Oh's been having a leaky nose for the past two days, so it really doesn't help that he comes home to see some trash on TV. Well, what do you know. As if there aren't enough "superstar" talent shows on TV these days, there's one now that really takes the cake.

Check out 永不言败 (Never Say Die), a "talent" show on Channel 8 featuring rejects from the other contests like Singapore Idol and What-have-you Superstar. While purporting to be a show promoting hard work, perseverance and all, it's more like a freak show with whacko and cannot-make-it contestants showcasing their lack of talent. Beside performing in front of judges, drama-mama sideshows like petty squabbles and tear shedding are thrown in for good effect.

Local television has stooped to a new low. It makes you wonder if the TV station paid the contestants to make a fool of themselves. Some of the performances are so horrible it makes you want to smash up your television set and throw it out of the window!

sizzling hot

It is rumoured that the WP's Glenda Han might be contesting in AMK GRC.

Whoa ho ho ho ho!

Who says the elections are boring? It's going to be one 'hot' contest to look forward to, ha!

best of times

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times, it is the age of wisdom, it is the age of foolishness, it is the epoch of belief, it is the epoch of incredulity. Or so someone once said.

With the elections coming and the papers reporting good news on a daily basis, it is natural that Singaporeans are led into thinking that good times are upon us.

Today, however, the Professional Cynic, that is moi, peers into his Swarovski^TM crystal ball and foresees possible bad times in the not so distant future. Headlines, headlines and more headlines - and none of them good.

Here's a prelude of what to expect in the following months, especially when the elections are over. You have been warned.

• GDP growth falls short, previous forecast over-optimistic


• Job cuts necessary to keep economy going: Manpower Minister


• Workers risk losing out as foreign talent pool reaches record level
  


• Transport fare hikes brought forward to June


• Cigarette tax up with immediate effect
  


• No CPF restoration but further cuts likely, says PM


• Panel to study need for GST raise


• Buangkok to close again due to poor ridership


• STI hovering at dangerous levels, analysts warn


• Do not expect handouts every year, workers told


• First, casinos. Next, legalised prostitution
  

The last one there does sound a little interesting...

The future might seem gloom, but there's hope yet. Just wait another 4-5 years, when the next General Elections come along, ha!

Disclaimer: The above list comes purely from the imagination of the Professional Cynic. We think he tends to be a little pessimistic.

chelski 1, liverpool 2

Following the recently concluded match between Chelski and Liverpool, the Armchair Critic, that is moi, shall have his say.

Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Wahahahahaha!!!

As you can see, the Armchair Critic is a happy man today, and we're happy for him too. We're sorry that he can only babble nonsense and not contribute anything of intellectual value. But then, that's what all football pundits do, non?

mastercard moment

Cable channel subscription: $10.90

World Cup Final tickets for two: $2,400

Watching petty credit card companies fighting: priceless

breaking news

As widely predicted, President Nathan dissolved the government today. The papers have already warned that today's the last day to do so, if the elections are to be held on May 6, as many believed. (Don't ask me how they count.)

See report.

of marriage

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

I didn't say that of course; Jane Austen did, in Pride and Prejudice. And so it shall be then, that at this age of mine, it is natural to ponder about such things. Especially when looking at people around me.

So what happens when you fast approaching or, heaven forbid, past your sell-by date? Do you strike the panic button, declare a state of emergency and put yourself up for sale? Or do you lament about the lack of luck in love and just let things be?

Consider the following two situations*:

1. A woman is just past 30, and she's never had any luck in men. All of a sudden, one comes along showing an interest in her. They start going out - to the movies, for dinner, the stroll by the beach, etc. She even invites him along when meeting up with her friends. All would have been wonderful but for the fact that she's not really that much into him. Companionship for the sake of it, if you'd call it. As time goes by, they get more and more involved but her feelings for him (or lack of) remain unchanged. Then one day, the idea of marriage is brought up. So, should she, or shouldn't she?

2. A guy just turned 35. He's had this girl friend for several years. The problem is they're always quarrelling and fighting over the most trivial things, even when just talking over the phone. And he's always harsh in his words, showing little respect for her. The result is that this relationship becomes an unhappy affair most of the time, rather than a lovey-dovey one as it should be. Still, as both are not young anymore, they go ahead and apply for a flat, and marriage is in the plans once that is settled. Once again, this begs the question: should they, or shouldn't they?

In an ideal world, the answer to both these situations would be No. In real life, however, a lot of factors will come into consideration. Utmost could be the pressure to settle down, be it pressure from family, friends, society or oneself. Another would be child-bearing. That becomes a problem later on in life.

But if you think about it, other than these reasons, plus the fact that you'll have to tone down a little when making out lest you get a heart attack, there's really no compelling reason not to wait till your forties and fifties. If you prefer to stay single, that is, because I believe most people would like to settle down before the wrinkles start coming out.

On the other side of the coin, some might argue that no relationship is perfect, so it's also alright for those I mentioned in those two situations above to go ahead and wed. After all, feelings can develop over time and differences can be smoothed out. In the past, marriages were often chosen and decided by parents, but that has not stopped some long lasting and fulfilling relationships from happening.

Well, we can debate till the cows come home on whether that is the right or wrong sort of thinking. At the end of it all, it's your life - you choose how to live it.

If only it were that simple.

I said all these because sometimes when I look at couples, married or otherwise, around me, I wonder why they are together. For some, the love is long gone but they're already so used to being together, so separation is unthinkable. For others, they may be bickering all the time, and generally in an unhappy relationship. And in certain cases, they just look downright incompatible. But then, I am just an outsider, so it's not for me to judge.

And having said all these, I still don't really know what I'm driving at, ergo the rather longish post. The world is full of complex issues and Oh has no solutions to offer. He can only sit back and watch, think aloud and learn. It's a good thing that I still have some time on my side. But I'd rather be putting the pressure on others than be subjected to it, if you know what I mean.

* As South Park likes to put it, all characters are fictional, even those based on real people, ha! No, I'm just kidding. It's all made up. Really.

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
’till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
’cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I’m getting older too

Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down

If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe the landslide will bring it down

-- Landslide, Fleetwood Mac/Dixie Chicks/Smashing Pumpkins

oh has words to say

Welcome to this edition of 胡有话说 (Oh Has Words To Say).

Oh is such a brilliant fellow sometimes, it hurts. Yeah, you'll never understand. This time, he has another great idea.

It is often said that Singaporeans want opposition parties in parliament, but not in their own wards, so that they can get the best of both worlds. This is a country of smart people after all, contrary to what a certain smart-alecky bigmouth from a certain country may say.

We don't, however, wish to see catfights in parliament. That's hardly a sign of a nation of clever people, if I may add.

But I digress.

My great idea is that everyone has to vote. In every ward except their own, that is. This is analogous to the annual voting for the World Footballer Of The Year. National team coaches all over the world may vote for any player anywhere, except those from their own countries. As a result, fairness is ensured.

Therefore, to put simply, if I belong to Ulu Sembawang GRC for example, I'll have to cast my votes for all the other GRCS and single wards except Ulu Sembawang.

What can we expect as a result?

1. Everyone gets to vote (as long as at least two wards are contested).
2. We can expect to see many more opposition candidates voted into parliament.
3. The ruling party can't use upgrading as a carrot, because frankly nobody gives a hoot if the other wards which they're voting for are upgraded.
4. We remain a nation of smart and happy people because there still won't be catfights in parliament.

Brilliant, non?

easter fun

Easter is coming, so Oh is going to share with you some Easter eggs that can be found in applications and websites. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, see here.

It’s getting harder and harder nowadays to find these eggs. Most of those listed on websites around are on outdated software. One of them, however, remains and it’s in Microsoft Word. Try opening Word, and type in the “=rand(a,b)” (without the quotes), substituting a and b with any number you want, like 2 and 5. Then hit Enter and wait.

There’s also a hidden Easter egg on Amazon. Go to the site, scroll to the bottom and click “Directory of All Stores”. On that page, scroll to the bottom where you’ll see “1995-2005, Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates”. If you move your mouse downwards from the ‘5’ in ‘1995’, you’ll find a hidden link to a special tribute page.

If you have Winamp, try the following three eggs:

1. Spinning Fish


2. Funky Llama Background


3. Llama Beat Visualisation

Unrelated to Easter eggs, I just found out about this Googlebomb: try entering “french military victories” in the Google search box and hitting “I’m Feeling Lucky”. You’ll be brought to this spoof Google result page mocking the French. It’s absolutely hilarious, ha!

Google, by the way, has an Easter page with a small game. Take a look and have fun!

the long and short of it

Let's talk about batteries today. Rechargeable ones to be exact. Are you one of those people who diligently wait till your phone/laptop/MP3 player's battery is almost flat before charging it? Do you refrain from charging it when it's still half full because you don't want to spoil it?

Well, let's divide what I have to say in two parts.

Part I
Personally, I never really bother. Maybe I'm just lazy. But actually I think it's a counter-productive practice. Look at it this way:

Let's say it really spoils the battery if you partial charge too often. So, say your phone's battery used to last 4 days on a full charge. After one year of ill treatment, the battery life reduces to 3 days, or even just 2.5 days. Blimey.

Oh, wait a minute. But you already have a habit of partial charging your battery. So, maybe you charge it every 2 days regardless of how much there's left. Then it won't matter to you if the battery life has shortened to 2.5 days! Your battery will never die on you. Hoorah!

But what if you're a diligent one? Then maybe after a year your battery's life shortens to 3.5 days due to your tender loving care showered on it. But every few days while you're out on the go, the battery dies on you because you didn't want to charge it the previous night when it's still 40% full.

Get my point?

Part II
I don't really know why I bother to write so much in Part I, because it really isn't an issue at all. If you bother to do a simple search on the Internet, you'll realise that this partial charging is bad thingy is an urban myth. Yup, it's utter tosh!

The truth is, most phones/laptops/MP3 players nowadays uses Lithium batteries. And it is perfectly alright to partial charge because it doesn't have a "memory effect". In fact, get this, it's better to partial charge than to do a full charge!

Using your battery until it's almost flat is actually not advisable, because it might short-circuit. So it is recommended that you charge it as often as you like. The only reason you'll want to do a full discharge/charge is if you have a battery gauge (like in a laptop) and you need to recalibrate it once in a while.

I know, you the diligent one feel like a fool now. It's okay - I'll try not to laugh at you.

But I can't... What a fool, ha!

References (if you don't believe me)

• How to prolong lithium-based batteries
• iPod Battery FAQ
• Everything you may need to know about the Lithium-ion Battery

pomp and circumstance

Despite my failing memory, I seem to have a knack for remembering dates. Today, I just noticed, happens to be the 8^th anniversary of my ORD. How can I forget? That’s the day I got out of jail. That’s the day of pomp and joy!

Time flies, non? It’s been more than ten freaking years since I enlisted in NS as a pure and innocent scrawny young man.

Like virgin, they said.

Much has changed since. Years of abject suffering and untold hardship have roughened the body and toughened the soul. Le temps détruit tout - time destroys all. The young man that was is no longer recognisable. He no longer exists in this cruel world. He is a victim of circumstance. All that’s left today is this pure and innocent scrawny old fart.

Like old virgin, they say.

Ha!

footy tricks

People are debating if the above commercial showing Ronaldinho juggling the ball is the real thing.

If you ask me, great juggling is one thing. Hitting the crossbar deliberately is possible too. But to hit the crossbar 4 times consecutively and have the ball bounce back to exactly where you are is most certainly not!

Well, the truth has been revealed.

to spot a fool

The ever keen-eyed Oh spotted the April's Fool fake article in the ST today. It's on page 4 of the main section. Just the title "Visitors going ape over Zoo's new primate exhibit" itself is enough to arouse suspicions. If you read the article, you'll realise that what it reports seem unlikely and almost nonsensical.

But the dead giveaway has to be this paragraph:

A spokesman for the previously unheard of animal activist group Free Orangutans Only Legion (Singapore) said: "It is inhumane to place our cousins in captivity, and we will be picketing on behalf of this indignity."

because:

1. Even if an organisation is not well known, it is unlikely a news article will say it is "previously unheard of". It's obvious they say so because no one would have heard of it.
   
2. The acronym of the group is FOOLS. Ha!

Happy April's Fool to all of you. :)

(I won't bother with lame prank attempts like this.)