it's a dog's life year

So, I take it that you've had a great CNY break so far, non?

CNY is a "relatively" (bad pun alert!) peaceful period for me. Every 初一, I'll embark on my annual pilgrimage to my Grandma's (i.e. Mama's Mama), which is always packed with uncles, aunties and my thousand and one cousins from God-knows-where. This is when I put on my retard act of staring blankly at the TV for long periods of time to ward off questions like Where Do You Work?, When Are You Getting Married?, or Who On Earth Are You? Either that or it's the Don't Mess With Me look that I've perfected on those irritating street surveyors along Orchard Road.

Besides my thousand and one cousins, every year we'll see a few additions of newly acquired husbands and wives. Not that I care either, but this year I saw for the first time the hubby of my cousin who attended the same school as me. I was shocked to see him carrying a bible in his hand. For Christ's sake, what was that for? Preaching to a non-Christian household?

Whatever. The rest of the time I'll just stay at home or meet up with friends. If some relatives come visiting, I'll hide in the room most of the time pretending I'm laden with work. I really am, in fact, as I get called up occasionally for late-night board meetings with several district Dry Swimming Federations, like those in Punggol, Serangoon or Mountbatten. I know, I work too hard!

Heheh. Ok, I shall stop this babbling. Boredom gets to me sometimes like the plague. Anyway, here's wishing □□□□ to you. Please fill in the blanks yourself with whichever four-character wish phrase you desire. In times of joy and celebration, we should not forget those in need. Please do contribute 10% of your ang pao money by sending the cheque to A Simple Prop Pte Ltd. I thank you on its behalf.

Ha!

second coming of god

God is back, long live God

We interrupted the normal service routine to bring you this special message from the Armchair Critic, that is moi.

This is truly unbelievable. Liverpool has just signed on a six-month contract its long-lost son Robbie Fowler - the man they nicknamed God and the Artful Dodger, and the very reason why the Armchair Critic became a Liverpool fan.

Who cares if he's no longer the prolific scorer that he was, is injury prone and a little on the plump side; this is exciting news for all his fans!

old young players

Arjen Robben of Chelski Football Club has once been called the oldest young player in the world. Just look at him - you can never tell he's only 22 years of age!

Well, now Robben has been beaten to that title. The new oldest young player is Marcos Baghdatis, the 20 year-old surprise finalist at the current Australian Open. He looks way past 30 for goodness sake!

oh, what a fool

The most idiotic thing happened last night. To cut the story short, these are what I learned:

1. The card reader that comes with Compaq Presarios doesn't have a mechanism that pops out the card. Even if you insert the right card you have to use your fingernails/teeth to get it out.
   
2. MS Pro Duo cards are shorter than MS Pro cards. Why can't they just use the word mini like everyone else does?
   
3. If the card reader says it supports SD, MMC and MS/MS Pro, you should NOT put in a MS Pro Duo card.
   

So you can guess what I'm driving at. Yes, as of now, my 1GB MS Pro Duo card is still inside my friend's Presario card reader. There's no bloody way we could get it out!

keep me nice and warm

Just for the record, I'll like to state categorically once and for all that Stiebel Eltron makes the best hand dryers in the world.

All washrooms worthy of any respect should have one fitted - there're no two ways about it. Period.

lean mean free-scoring machine

Just last week my colleague and I were talking about how Kobe Bryant can’t stop scoring over 60 points each game recently. I heard that he was criticized after one of the games because he sat out the fourth quarter after surpassing 60 again. If he’d stayed on, he could probably reach 80 or something.

Well, guess what? He went out and got 81 points on Sunday. Yes, 81 points in a single game. And there was no overtime at all. Only Wilt Chamberlain managed to score more back in the 60s. Jordan His Airness didn’t even come close to that in his illustrious career.

Go to nba.com to see the video showing him score Every. Single. Freaking. Point.

dodging 102

Welcome, Class, to this Introductory Level 2 elective course. Please ensure that you've fulfilled the necessary prerequisite of Dodging 101.

Today's lesson will be a short one. We are introducing this interesting tool for your skiving needs. It's called Ghostzilla - the invisible browser. To summarise, it allows you to surf the Internet discreetly within any other application. After launching Ghostzilla, it stays invisible. Simply move your mouse cursor to the left edge of your computer screen, then to the right edge, and finally back to the left edge to make the browser appear in your application. Moving the mouse cursor out of its browser window causes it to disappear instantly. To add to the surfing experience, you can choose between different levels of "ghostliness", such as making images and text appear grayed.

Quite a nifty little trick, I'd say. Please refer to the browser's website for your lecture notes and tutorials. Class dismissed.

and the difference is you

What a difference a day made
Twenty four little hours
Brought the sun and the flowers where there used to be rain
My yesterday was blue dear
Today I'm a part of you dear
My lonely nights are through dear
Since you said you were mine

Oh, what a difference a day made
There's a rainbow before me
Skies above can't be stormy since that moment of bliss
That thrilling kiss
It's heaven when you find romance on your menu
What a difference a day made
And the difference is you

all bound for moo-moo land

So, just where is Agu Cashmir?

This is the question the papers posed yesterday. I was rather amused because I was thinking: Who cares?

If you don’t know who Agu is, well, you shouldn’t bother. But if you really want to know, we’re not talking about quality steak or goat wool; he’s actually some failed African footballer who landed on our shores, got ushered into the national team as “top striker” (with citizenship to go along), performed well for a while but sucked later on, and went missing after that. The disappearance act was after he had just signed with an Indonesian club who paid him $20,000 as signing on fees.

Well, Agu has called. Now he says he wants to go to Russia to play his football. And he’ll try to return the $20k. Just take it as an interest-free loan, thank you very much. And bye-bye Singapore too.

So much for “foreign talent” then. Here’s wishing him Good Luck. And Good Riddance!

be stupid together

It has been said that Oh goes around with a giant magnifying glass trying to sniff out things to criticise or take a dig at. Oh well, here I go again!

The victim today is another letter in the forum. Please read this before I carry on.

Alright, now repeat after me:

Following industry practice is not a justification

Again:

Following industry practice is not a justification

One more time:

Following industry practice is not a justification

All together now:

Following industry practice is not a justification

Okay, I hope you get that into your pea-brains. If it's hard for you do remember to go back and practise more. Next time please spare us such stupid excuses and give some real reasons.

Actually, these banks are never going to read this blog. I shall write in then!

coe shock

Shock of the day: COE for Category A & B have fallen to $8,009 and $9,603 respectively.

Two of my colleagues are beaming with joy now because they’ll be getting their COE rebates. Honestly, I couldn’t believe it when I heard from one of them that she ordered her Honda Jazz at a COE rebate level of $11,000. Don’t the distributors normally have a safety margin in case the COE drops unexpectedly, like in the case now? I remembered that when COE was in the 20+k levels, the rebate level was usually at around 17k, non?

Cars are so cheap now. Oh wants to buy one too! Boo hoo hoo!!

dodging 101

Over lunch with a bunch of fellow skivers today, the topic of working late (and pretending to) was brought up. If you're also an aspiring member of the fraternity, one of the basic skills to learn is how to have an email automatically sent late at night. Allow the Artful Dodger, that is moi, to show you the way!

If you're using MS Outlook, the function is built in. (I'm using Outlook 2003 by the way, but other versions shouldn't differ by much.) All you have to do is to just compose your email as you would, and then before sending it, click on the Options button at the toolbar. (Click on the images to enlarge.)

Note that this is not the same as the Options under the Tools menu. Clicking on Options on the toolbar will open up a dialog as shown below.

As you can see, all you need to do is to check the "Do not deliver before:" box and set the time for it to be delivered. When you're done, click Close and proceed to send your message. It won't be sent yet of course - instead it stays in the Outbox until the time is up.

And of course, I trust that you're not stupid enough to shut down your PC after that and happily go off on your night out thinking that your email will get duly delivered. That'll be great of course, but alas, technology is not that advanced yet. We still need the goddam electric power to get things done! So you must keep the PC (and Outlook for the matter) on.

If you don't want your PC to be up all night, google "auto shutdown program" and you'll find dozens of programs that can shut down your PC automatically at a preset time. Just pick one that works for you, and that hopefully is free (as in beer) as well.

If you're using Thunderbird instead as your email client, you'll need the SendTools extension that comes with the "Send At" option. Since you are using Thunderbird, you should be savvy enough to know how to install the extension and get it to work. Note, though, that SendTools has not been updated for Thunderbird 1.5, so it only works for version 1.0+ and below. Or so I heard.

I read somewhere that Eudora has the function built in as well. But its users are in the minority, so please 自己保重 (that's in Cantonese by the way) and go figure it out yourself.

Personally I use Thunderbird. But I've not tried SendTools because these little tricks are for novices and I'm already at the Master level. Muahahaha!!

No lah, I'm just kidding. I work hard leh!

Anyway, there you go. Happy skiving! :)

songs not to wed to

Songs NOT to play on a wedding:

1. Look What You’ve Done – Jet


2. Because I Got High – Afroman


3. I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2


4. Stuck In A Moment (You Can’t Get Out Of) – U2


5. The Ballad Of Tom Jones – Space feat Cerys

Actually if you have a really wicked sense of humour, you’ll play the last one there. I think I might – it’s one of the funniest songs I’ve heard. Check it out, ha!

Hmm… maybe next time I’ll post some great but not so common songs to play on a wedding.

red hot

Just thought I'll give a little mention to this thing that everyone's talking about now on the blogosphere.

Interesting!

song guessing game

Ah, so we all like guessing songs. Here’s my contribution: a “poem” containing lovely snippets I like from ten different songs. It’s not easy to guess them all! Whoever manages to wins exclusively nothing at all from me, ha!

As around the sun the earth knows she’s revolving
And the rosebuds know to bloom in early may

Like a flower bending in the breeze
Bend with me, sway with ease

City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder

In her strawberry eyes, the way she sees you signifies
That she's susceptible to your velvet lies

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I... I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

The whispers in the morning of lovers sleeping tight
Are rolling by like thunder now, as I look in your eyes

You asked me to enter, and then you made me crawl.
And I can’t be holding on to what you’ve got, when all you’ve got is hurt.

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun, and I feel fine

time to kill

Papa Oh's a little under the weather, so boys and girls, here's a simple puzzle to occupy your time. Move the pieces until they're all at the bottom (see picture). It should be fine once you get the hang of it. But it's super repetitive, all 161 moves of it, and you might lose where you're going.

When you're done, get back to doing your homework, okay?

attack of the clones

Just saw this yesterday while snooping around the web and today as well in Digital Life, and it is definitely worth a mention.

If you've been holding out for the fruity nano, you might want to hold on further. SanDisk has just introduced the new Sansa e200 series of players that are not only similar in size to the nano, but which actually beat it hands down in terms of features.

See for yourself this list of features:

• Same size as the nano, just a little thicker
• And a better screen for displaying photos
• And a longer battery life
  
• Apparently it's slightly cheaper too
  
• Available in 2GB, 4GB and 6GB, all flash
  
• Plays WMA (which the nano doesn't)
  
• Built in FM tuner with recording
• microSD expansion slot
• Replaceable Lithium-Ion rechargeable battery
  
• Scratch resistant back cover

It'll only be available in the US and Europe in March, so it might take a little longer to reach our little red dot. But if you're shopping around for players, you should definitely check it out. As always, do your research before buying!

shorty gets real love

Here's a bit of entertainment news for you:

A Pink Wedding took place over the weekend. Yes, it was a gay occasion, but not the sort you must be thinking of.

It was actually the wedding of Alecia Moore, known to us as Pink, to her motorcross-racing fiancé, whose name we don't really care about. Read about how she proposed to him. Ah, just let me emphasize that a little: she proposed to him.

That's hardly surprising. We know, of course, that while most girls want a man with the bling bling and the mean green, Shorty just wants real love. After all, the multiplatinum-selling singer already has all the ching ching she needs. Who knows, maybe she paid for the five-carat diamond ring herself!

As a sidenote, you know there's something wrong with the world today when the article has to emphasize the fact that "this is the first marriage for both".

Before we go, let's dedicate a song to her. Oh, and do remember to check back for the latest outdated entertainment news!

But I'm not every girl
And I don’t need no G's to take care of me
Cuz Shorty got a job
Shorty got a car
Shorty can pay her own rent
Don't wanna dance if it is not in my heart

Most girls want a man with the bling bling
Got my own thing, got the ching ching
I just want real love
Most girls want a man with the mean green
Don't wanna dance if he can't be
Everything that I dream of
A man that understands real love

-- Pink, Most Girls

rain rain go away

What's eating the clouds above? The skies seem to be having a really bad hangover. It's been pouring non-stop the whole day!

Go away! Shoo!

Rain rain go away
Come again another day
All the world is waiting for the sun

To lie here under you
Is all that I could ever do
To lie here under you is all
To lie here under you
Is all that i could ever do
To lie here under you is all

-- Breaking Benjamin, Rain

step right up!

Check out today's Life on Page 2. It is reported that the general manager of MoS, Mr Terry Lumb, has been sacked after the club received many complaints on long queues to enter the club.

Ha ha!

It is said in the article that queues outside the club stretches an average of 50m. What an understatement! When I was there 3 Fridays ago, it was at least 100-200m long! Just one look at the snaking queue and we decided to go elsewhere. A week later, we also abandoned our plans to visit the place on New Year's Eve after learning that we'd have to queue even if we had bought advance tickets. It was a good thing we did - according to the article, the queue that day went past Hill Street all the way to Merchant Court. How ridiculous!

Barely a month old, MoS is already fast gaining notoriety for its uber long queues. Anyone you ask, be it your colleagues, friends or friends' friends, knows about it. Rumours are also going around that despite the queues, the club itself is quite empty inside! This led some to postulate that this is a deliberate tactic to attract publicity and hype. Well, intentionally or not, it certainly did - for all the wrong reasons. And partygoers are avoiding the place now.

Hopefully, the situation will improve now that the club has taken action. I certainly hope it'll be third time lucky for me the next time I decide to go there. Come my friends, let's plan our next visit! :D

annoyware

No. 1 Software Annoyance: Programs that “force” you to reboot your computer after doing an upgrade or update.

Known Culprits: Windows Update, ZoneAlarm, Norton Anti-Virus

They don’t really force you, but they have this dialog box popping up with only an OK button. Either you click the OK to reboot or you have no choice but to leave the dialog box there. Windows Update has a Restart Later option, but it pops up again every other minute pestering you to do so.

Sometimes when I’m working I’ve many applications opened, so I don’t really fancy having to reopen everything again after rebooting. Another reason why I don’t like to reboot? Well, the credit must go to Norton, for taking up to ten minutes to get the computer ready during startup.

Why can’t they let us reboot it later? Die die must reboot immediately? Why, computer will explode if I don’t?

Pardon my French, but this is just so ~*#$@&%@ irritating!

a point on being totally pointless

Check out this post by one of the most famous Singaporean bloggers around.

You must be wondering why I directed you to that post. My point is the point of the post, which is being totally pointless. When I read it, I was expecting something interesting or anything remotely funny to happen. But there was none. It just ended there leaving me scratching my head.

Why blog when there’s nothing better to write?

Oh, in case you’re interested in my mundane life, I had lunch just now at Lau Pa Sat, home to substandard food.

They are many satay stalls, where they selling beef, mutton and even duck satay. I can eat ten at a go.

I had the not-so-famous wanton mee, and nothing else. It was so-so only.

The drinks stall (with the forgettable sign) sells a wide variety of drinks from beer to water chestnut and my fave, kopi siu dai.

I believe there must be something famous here.

Before we left, we bought nothing because it was going to rain. There were no celebrity lookalikes and no special offers. Not very yummy there.

a-changin' times

Education's a different meat these days. From what I've heard, they don't do things the way they used to back in our time. Take, for example, the latest polytechnic in town.

Most notably, there's no such thing as lectures and tutorials now. All the teacher has to do everyday is to pop up in the morning and present the day's project assignment, disappear and leave the students to discuss, and reappear at the end of the day for a class discussion. Drastically different, don't you think? But that's not what I'm going to talk about.

Over there, every teacher gets a tablet PC and is encouraged to use it in the teaching. And what really raised my eyebrow was the fact that every student must buy one too. This isn't exactly new. Several years back we've already heard of schools doing that. But the way I heard it, this particular school is so technologically savvy it puts most corporations to shame.

I'm all for technology - it's a wonderful thing, non? The Internet has changed our lives, much like cars, airplanes, radio, television and sliced kaya toast. In fact, we're all blessed to witness the effects of this phenomenon. But sometimes there's a need to know where to draw the line. And this tablet PC business sort of crosses the line for me.

These tablets tend to cost upwards of $3000. Is it really a necessity? Wouldn't normal laptops do? There's a need to distinguish between must-haves and nice-to-haves, and even by today's standards there's no doubt which category the tablets fall under. If you ask me, even laptops shouldn't be compulsory. Plain cheap desktops sitting at home should suffice just nicely. Didn't all of us get a whole lifetime's worth of education sans such fancy gadgets?

Somehow you get the feeling they do such things for the bragging rights, allowing them to show off to parents and fellow educators and attract prospective students. I suppose those students with financial difficulties will receive help to buy the tablets. But what about those somewhere in the middle who don't qualify and as a result get their pockets badly burnt? Can they opt out? Or do they have to opt out of the school altogether? Something's got to give. My guess is interest-free loans for the students. Not a bad way to get them going on the loan-laden adulthood that's so commonplace here. I'm glad my schools didn't require such a thing during my time. The tuition fee loan alone was already quite a burden, thank you very much!

Technology for the sake of it? Or am I just an old fart with a prehistoric school of thought?

great scott!

(click to enlarge)

Check out yesterday's Dilbert where the author makes an appearance and takes a dig at readers who bugged him with ideas. Don't sue me for putting this up - just trying to share a good laugh!

rain or shine, non?

Oh got pissed off with what he heard on the radio this morning, so please bare with him for a moment.

What’s with this “Oh, I’m not gonna see them ‘cause they’re passé”? The person who said this went on about how he used to dig the band and its music but that they’re over the hill now. Now, it’s one thing if you’re never into the band, and only like a few of their songs. But it’s another thing altogether if you considered yourself a fan before, and that really gets to me because you know what they call such people? Farking Fair-weather Fans, with 3 capital F’s, that’s what you are.

And all these “fans” readily and unabashedly admit that if it were 5 or 10 years ago, they’ll jump at the opportunity to see them. In case you’ve forgotten, the albums you used to groove to are still being sold at cd shops and the songs you once savour can still be heard on the airwaves. The music hasn’t been erased from the face of this Earth. Just look at The Rolling Stones and the Eagles – they’re still playing to sold-out concerts everywhere they go. They aren't exactly on anyone's What's Hot list, non? Granted, the band's nowhere near the legendary status of those two bands, but which band can stay at the top forever? Maybe in future when the passé becomes the hip again, you’ll be back as a fan as well?

And in the meantime, I bet you must be clamouring for the next Black Eyed Peas concert (even though they’re here every freaking single year), or whatever’s the flavour of the month, and cheering for Chelski and maybe Fernando Alonso as well.

It was also said that they won’t be as loud, brash and sometimes violent as they notoriously are/were. True, but firstly, that’s the problem with the strict regulations here, so even if they were here at the height of their notoriety, they probably won't be hurling towards you to land a punch for directing a laser pointer at their eyes. These restrictions haven't changed from then till now. So are you saying you won’t go if it were ten years ago too? Secondly, all bands and their members mature, just like you (I hope) and me. Even if Axl Rose were to come now, don't be surprised if he's as tame and cuddly as a pussycat.

So go on, hang your heads in shame and bugger off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just the other day, I was watching the Shawshank Redemption on tv (by the way, if you've not already done so, you really should too). In one of the more poignant scenes, lead character Andy Dufresne locked himself in the guard room and blasted Mozart over the public address system. As the music blared out, the whole prison came to a standstill as everyone froze in midstep and listened, hypnotised.

For this little stunt, Andy got 2 weeks of solitary confinement (in the "hole"). When he was released, this conversation took placed in the mess hall:

HEYWOOD: Couldn't play somethin' good, huh? Hank Williams?

ANDY: They broke the door down before I could take requests.

FLOYD: Was it worth two weeks in the hole?

ANDY: Easiest time I ever did.

SKEET: Bullshit. No such thing as easy time in the hole.

EARNIE: A week seems like a year.

ANDY: I had Mr. Mozart to keep me company.

FLOYD: So they let you tote that record player down there, huh?

ANDY: (taps his heart, his head) The music was here...and here. That's the beauty of music, they can't get that from ya. Haven't you ever felt that way about music?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was written using Blogger for Word under someone's recommendation. Not bad, although I had to edit a little back on the browser for the formatting.

Hey, I thought I’m supposed to be the more software-savvy one around? Not so it seems, ha! :)

happy new year

What better way to start the new year than to get totally intoxicated with alcohol?

Yup, a little wine, some beer and a lot of vodka made for a very sloshed Oh. While I just about managed to stay sober, the body showed its Absolut displeasure. My sincere apologies to the cleaners of Expo and the residents of the unit next to the elevator at my block. Oops, so sorry!

That was quite a party last night at Zouk's Mambo Countdown. Utterly shameless we were, mingling with a crowd that's like a decade younger. But hey, it's mambo! With the many countdown parties all over the island, this one ended up barely half-packed. That's a good thing actually - you get all the space for your wacky dance moves, ha! Yeah, as long as you get high and the music's great, you'll have a lot of fun, non? We certainly did.

Wish you were here, baby, wish you were here.