local sporting bits

There are three pieces of local sporting news that caught my eye today:

1. An Army colonel died in Sunday’s Singapore Biathlon. This morning while flipping through the papers I saw his pictures splattered all over the obituary page, and was wondering what happened. Now, why is it that no one took me seriously when I mentioned about going for an ECG?


2. F1 owner Bernie Ecclestone now says it’s possible to have a grand prix in Singapore, and a street circuit to boot. That’s absolutely unbelievable! If this dream turns reality, we’ll be the only street circuit in F1 apart from Monte Carlo – the most glamourous race in the world!


3. It’s also reported in the papers that the evil cable company will be charging its loyal (due to a lack of alternatives) subscribers $15 on top of the sports group fee to watch World Cup matches. For early birds opting in, the charge is $10. How thoughtful of them as usual.
   
   And as always I’ve only 7 words of high praise for the evil cable company – the acronym starts with a K and ends with a B: K*****B!!!

Oh, pardon my French. I tend to get all lyrical when being treated so lovely.

do you mind?

Here's a letter to brighten your day. It really got me chuckling!

I'm always amused to hear the "Please mind the platform gap" reminder on the train. From what I observed, it originated from the North-East Line and got adopted by SMRT recently. That's why we're now hearing it tirelessly on every train ride.

Just for the record, I really don't mind the platform gap at all. In fact, they're just the right width and look perfectly lovely to me, ha!

wicked game

There's an online puzzle created by this guy that really hard to crack. It involves going through levels of the game. Try it!

Some things you need to note:

• Each level's page will provide clues to the URL of the next level.
  
• You need some computer knowledge like viewing HTML source, cookies, colour codes, etc.
• You can go to the forum there to read the discussions and hints. But no direct answers are given.
  
• It takes a lot of guesswork as well, because in my opinion, some of the clues are rather vague.
  
• It's certainly not easy! And that's an understatement!
  

I've spent like two plus hours and now I'm on to Level 26 (with help from the forum). Currently the last level is 31, but the author might add more!

news in briefs (23.04.06)

Presenting to you today’s News in Briefs is our special guest anchor, Mr. Freddie Ljungberg of Arsenal Football Club.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Front page story of today’s papers is the report that more Singaporeans are now into sports, as compared to five years ago. I have to say that an increase of a mere ten percentage points over five years is hardly Earth-shattering news, so allow me to digress a little.

Don’t you find it just a tad ironic that there are some people who spent scandalous amounts of money to make their cars look sporty and all, when the only sorry excuse of an exercise they ever do is to walk that 50 20 metres from their houses/offices to their cars? I mean, if you want to be seen zipping around town in a swanky sports car, you should at least have an image to go along with it, non? The package just doesn’t seem right when you’re a severe fat lump sum or when it’s obvious the last time you broke a sweat was like ten years ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several days ago, an NTU student sent out a mass email to over 8000 of its student population lamenting the poor command of English among foreign lecturers (sorry, no link – it’s in Home section). It was quite a gutsy thing to do by this Malaysian Asean scholar. See here for what he wrote in the email.

Heheheh, I’ve been through that too. Back during one of the first lectures in my second year, we encountered this Indian lecturer whose accent was so bad we had absolutely no freaking idea what he was on about for the whole hour. But instead of being miffed like this student is, we had such a good laugh over it. I mean, it’s not like we would pay attention anyway if he had spoken the Queen’s English, right? It's always nice to have some entertainment during a boring lecture, ha!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the Online Forum today, someone is once again griping about cabbies and their insufferable liking of waiting for bookings. Well, it’s an age-old complaint among passengers, and you can expect the usual lip service of “they’ll be punished if caught” from the taxi companies.

Rather than whining about it, I have an absolutely brilliant idea on how to solve the problem. When it comes to taxi bookings, taxi companies should collect the booking fees earned and let the cabbies keep the normal fare. At the end of the month, the booking fees are pooled together and distributed proportionately to all the cabbies based on the number of hours they clocked that month. So there’s no added incentive for them to wait for bookings, but passengers can still book for taxis if they want to. Problem solved!

Hold the kudos and applause, please. You may think I’m a genius to come up with such a gloriously fine idea, but it’s hardly rocket science to this Einstein, ha!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So that’ll be all for now. That was pretty brief huh. For more news, go read the goddam papers yourself! How many times must I tell you – this is not a news blog!

Oh, and we’ll like to thank Mr. Ljungberg for his time. We must say that he’s much better off looking pretty for News in Briefs than to ply his footy trades for some foreigner-infested over-the-hill club!

boy oh boy

So, Rotiboy has finally announced that it is closing all its outlets in Singapore, following months of diminishing business. The total lack of sales these days is a sad sight compared to the snaking queues when they were churning out buns after buns at the first outlet in China Square back in 2004. Not only that, most, if not all, of the similar acts like PapaRoti, RotiMum, RotiUncles, and RotiAunties are shutting down as well. Oh dear, all the relatives are going back home.

Why, oh why, aren't we surprised by this bit of news?

You hardly need to be a business guru to know that you shouldn't go opening dozens of outlets in barely two years when you have only one product to offer, not unless you're Coca Cola of course. Although in the last few months the outlet in China Square had started selling "pizzas", they look more pathetic than anything - sort of like those microwave-ready types you'll find in 7-Elevens. So inevitably, what's happened had to happen. And before you start complimenting Oh for his eagle-esque hindsight, I'll have you know that I've seen this day coming since several moons ago!

A pity, really. Rotiboy tastes great fresh from the oven. But when left cold it's pretty ordinary. And contrary to its slogan "One is never enough", one bun is often too much for many people as a result of the overpowering coffee butter taste. I'll have my Tip Top curry puffs any day, thank you very much! (I said this because there's a Rotiboy outlet just next to Tip Top at Ang Mo Kio Central, and for a while, it had threatened the curry puff business. But quality and 老字号 has prevailed, thankfully!)

So, what's the next food fad to go kaput?

oh, brother!

So exciting! Oh is going to be a Brother at his friend’s wedding tomorrow. Despite having bucket loads of brothers in real life, Oh has never been a Brother at a wedding!

Thankfully, he has consulted the Dummy’s Guide To Being A Brother, and gotten the following tips:

1. Arrive late. They’ll open the door at the stipulated time anyway. Why subject yourself to more torture by the evil (not to mention ugly, ha!) Sisters.


2. Bring little cash, so that the evil Sisters can’t extort any more out of you!


3. When the evil Sisters aren’t looking, dump their poisonous concoctions by the corridor.


4. If all else fails, just leave everything to the groom. He asked for it!

That’s not the stressful part, anyway. Oh is also going to be the driver of the bridal car! And he doesn’t even know the way! It’s all okay when he drives the bride and groom to their love pad, but he has to go back and fetch the relatives after that all by himself!

What if there’s a traffic jam? What if the car breaks down? What if the navigationally challenged Oh loses his way and ends up in Uber-Ulu Sembawang?!

"Oh my brother, where art thou?"

a simple favicon

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Lovely!

need for speed

Collaborate and listen: The Iceman is back

F1 is back! The 2006 season begins this weekend with the Bahrain Grand Prix. What's there to look out for? New teams and new rules of course!

• New teams like Super Aguri, Toro Rosso and Proton.
• Engine capacity has been reduced from 3-litre V10 units to 2.4-litre V8s to cut costs and improve safety. No worries - the reduction in speed should be barely noticeable.
  
• Tyre changes are allowed again at pit stops. Last season's no tyre change rule has proven to be the silliest rule they could come up with. Good riddance!
• Also scrapped is one-lap qualifying. It is now a 3-part 15 minutes elimination system with all drivers going for broke to finish ahead.

The new rules, especially the new qualifying, should make the season a really exciting one to look forward to. Once again, I'll be rooting for Kimi Raikkonen for the Driver's Championship he so deserves.

Go, Kimi, go! Woohoo!

(Oh, by the way, I'm just kidding about the Proton part. You didn't believe that, did you?)

brokeback spoofs

Like the Matrix and Star Wars, Brokeback Mountain is fast becoming one of the most spoofed movies around. Just a simple search on “Brokeback” at YouTube uncovers hundreds of video spoofs.

• The original trailer

Check out some of these parody trailers:

• Brokeback Hobbiton
• Harry Potter And The Brokeback Globet
• The Empire Breaks Back
• Brokeback To The Future
• Brokeback Redemption (check out the last part)
• Dumb And Dumber
  
• Brokeback Hunting
• Brokeback Penguin
• Spongeback Mountain
  

Prepare to flip, ha!

liverpool 0, benfica 2 (aggrg 0-3)

Following the recently concluded Champions League tie between Liverpool and Benfica, the Armchair Critic, that is moi, shall have his say.

Oh, we’re terribly sorry. The Armchair Critic is unavailable today. He is currently in mourning.

We apologise for the inconvenience caused. Poor fellow, our thoughts are with him. There’s always next season, non?

oh tells the eight ways

Master Oh contemplates buses and trains

It's your lucky day, my little friends. Master Oh, that is moi, is back after a long absence to dish out heavenly advice for you.

And they come in a lovely bundle of eight, a most auspicious number. Some people call them Oh's Gems Of Wisdom, but most fondly refer to this gift from the Sage as Oh Tells The Eight Ways (胡说八道).

Today's topic focuses on public transport on our little island. Ah, it's such a dreaded little beast, non? Fret not, my little friends, for here are the eight gems to enhance your experience on our buses, taxis and trains:

1. When jostling with dozens other commuters to board the bus at a crowded bus stop, make sure you catch the bus driver's attention by flagging in a wild and exaggerated manner. This ensures that he stops the bus with the entrance right in front of you.
   


2. If you're taking a loop bus service, you might want to consider boarding at the opposite bus stop. If not, you might end up looking silly when it turns out that the bus that was opposite is the one you board after it comes back one big round. Sad to say, the Master has been a victim himself too many times. Why not enjoy the air conditioning instead of getting pissed at long waits due to inept drivers and poor scheduling?
   


3. During the morning peak hour, there's no need to run for the train when you've just entered the MRT station. The trains come fast and furious such that by the time you slowly stroll to the platform, another train would've just arrived. Besides, if you're really in such a rush, you should've started running for the train the moment you left your house.
   


4. It's okay to enter an MRT gantry with the moving flaps stuck open. If they're already jammed in the open position, they're not going to close on you when you walk through. Don't be silly, my dear.
   


5. When transferring to another train across the platform, there's no need to rush if it's obvious there are no more seats. The train doors will either close before the first person reaches it, or after the last has entered. Just make sure you're neither the first nor the last and you'll be fine.
   


6. When there's a long queue at the shopping centre taxi queue, you might want to try your luck along the main road outside. Taxis that pick destinations are not allowed in the taxi stand, so they tend to hang around outside. You might just get lucky with one that goes to your place.
   


7. When you're stuck in a really remote place with no taxis and few people, call for a taxi. Before it arrives, switch off your mobile phone. Very soon you can just flag down this taxi that can't find its intended passenger, and not pay any booking fee. They deserve it, after all.
   


8. Avoid the public transport altogether. It may be benign for your financial health, but it's extremely hazardous to your blood pressure and general state of mind. You might even develop a strong urge to kill someone!
   

As with all 胡说八道 advice, these eight gems might not work for you all the time. Don't be disheartened though, all you lowly folks - it's nothing personal. Not everyone can be a sage like Master Oh, ha!

outraged

Just a while ago, I was midway through my almost-daily self-reflection session in the office lavatory when I heard quick footsteps of someone coming in. This person started hurriedly opening or attempting to open every cubicle door in here. When he reached the cubicle I was in, he gave a few forceful tugs before going back to the cubicle beside.

Then he came back again, and this time I could hear him taking out some keys and trying to twist and turn the door latch from outside. Alarmed, I quickly stretched out my hand to hold the latch back in place, before giving a loud “ahem”. I’m not sure if he heard that, but he went back trying the other cubicles, and left the washroom subsequently just as quickly as he came.

This is crazy! Didn’t it occur to this person that the door is locked because someone is inside? What if he had managed to unlatch and open the door before I could stop him, and saw a half-naked Oh taking a poop? I’ll sue for outrage of modesty, heh!

food for goth

Pasta in black squid ink

Had dinner last night at Da Paolo at Cluny Court - an elegant, cosy Italian restaurant tucked between a building and a carpark at the corner of Cluny Park Road and Bukit Timah Road. The place is hidden behind a long stone walkway and the only clue to its existence to the outside world is a small sign at the entrance of the walkway.

A great place for a dinner date, especially at the dimly lit al-fresco area that has such a nice ambience. Diners be warned though: the pasta in black squid ink is something you really should not pick on a first date. Just a few bites and your teeth, tongue and lips will all turn stark black. In fact, if you order it, they'll swop your white napkin for a black one, and your partner's as well just so you don't feel ostracised. But no matter how you wipe, a visit to the washroom after the meal is strongly recommended. You don't want to freak out your date, do you?

Unless you're dating a gothic girl, ha!

"Can I have some of that pasta, dear?"

footy and babies

On a lighter note, check out this piece of news: the city of Liverpool is expecting a mini baby boom nine months after Liverpool FC's triumph in the Champions League.

Football is better than sex, some say. Well, why not both?

Ha!

problem of mines

The world today has generally recognised the problems of antipersonnel landmines and is working closely towards a global ban on them.

It is therefore shocking to learn that according to the International Campaign To Ban Landmines (ICBL) 2005 report, our little nation is one of the only 13 countries in the world that still produces landmines.

The government has confirmed several times that Singapore Technologies Kinetics (ST Kinetics), a government-linked company, manufactures antipersonnel landmines. Most recently, in June 2004, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs declared that “Singapore continues to exercise strict control over the production of landmines in Singapore. ST Kinetics remains the only company in Singapore that produces landmines. Antipersonnel landmines produced in Singapore are used solely by Singapore’s armed forces for self-defense purposes.”

Check out its report on Singapore.

sneak peak

Check out those legs!

Today I’ll like to bring your attention to the topic of Chinese Democarcy (sic). No, silly, not about the fall of communism in the mainland or whatever. There are more important things than that!

I’m referring to the new Guns N’ Roses studio album of that name that’s forever in the works (more than ten years actually). Back in January this year, Monsieur W. A. Rose was quoted as saying that “people will hear music this year”, and since then, three songs from the album have been leaked into cyberspace. Some radio stations have, in fact, put the songs under heavy rotation to the extent that one of them has entered airplay charts even before being officially released.

It’s not that bad. Check it out before it’s gone!

a four winds poser

Take a look at the above set of mahjong tiles (click to enlarge).

Let's say you're the dealer (莊家), so you already have one double (台) from the flower (一花). But as a result of that, a four-double 平胡 is no longer possible.

Question time: You've just drawn your tile, and you have to discard one from the 14 tiles you hold. Which tile would you discard, and why?

blown out

Ooh, it seems like someone's out to spoil the market.

I learned of this underground trade during my in-camp time when my mates often stopped by the Yew Tee Industrial Estate on our way to base. Along the main road, you'll see a few Indonesians carrying big red plastic bags standing at the side. So we would stop just next to them, have a quick word, swoop cash for packs of cigarettes, and be off in an instant. A pack of Marlboro red is just a small $5 damage. Very cheap compared to the $11-plus at the shops! And if you don't mind Indonesian-brand fags, they're even cheaper!

Well, well, all good things come to an end. Especially when someone decides to blow the whistle. Tsk tsk. Too bad, ha!